Little Teddy recently turned two. But even though we were 588 miles away, we were right there for his celebration. Thanks to Skype, we watched Teddy blow out his candles, and he blew kisses to us as we sang “Happy Birthday!”

Skype is a software program that allows you to use your computer to make free voice and video calls over the internet. You can download the Skype software from www.skype.com. Once installed, you can make voice and video calls to other Skype users anywhere in the world for free. This “real time” visiting or skyping is known as (VOIP) or voice over internet protocol. You’ll need a high speed internet connection and an inexpensive computer camera to make it all work—but most new computers have such a camera already installed.

Skyping is great fun for grandkids of all ages. Charlie, who’s twelve, plays the trombone and piano for us during our calls, and he and Nick, who is sixteen, put their visiting friends on screen for us to meet. The six-year-olds, Elyse and Will, have great fun performing dances, songs, and lip-syncs, and in general being goofy! Skyping with Teddy can sometimes be bittersweet as he tries to hug us through the screen. And we love watching our littlest one, Ingrid, grow and learn to crawl and pull herself up.

On our end, we have fun reading to the kids, singing to them, showing them what’s new here. . . the raspberries we picked this morning, the fact that our couch is missing from the study while it’s out being recovered, my new haircut, the dog who is always lifted up to say hello. It’s the simple everyday type of connection that we would otherwise miss because of the distance. For those of us who have to travel many hours to be with our grandchildren, this real time, face-to-face contact is invaluable. We love that we can see the body language while talking—it’s the next best thing to being there. We also know it makes us more familiar to the little ones, so when we do visit in person, it doesn’t take as long for them to warm up to us.

Many families, especially those who live very far apart, have shared heartwarming stories of connecting on Skype. For Teddy’s grandparents in the United Kingdom and Singapore, Skype keeps them part of his life in a way the phone just can’t. Beth recently enjoyed giving his Granddad in Singapore a tour of Teddy’s room and a peek into his favorite activities by following him around with the laptop. Granddad had an opportunity to know Teddy’s world instantly and to be a part of their Sunday afternoon. There are literally dozens of “Skype-like” programs available. You’ll discover what works best for you and your family the more you use it (and best of all, your grandchildren will probably show you how!). We find that more frequent, short Skyping sessions are better than long ones, especially for the youngest children involved. And if you are prepared with some connection-building strategies, you’ll certainly make the most of your time on screen. Here are some that work well for us:

• Spark a conversation. If you do all the talking, your little grandchildren are likely to leave the scene. Instead, before the call jot down some questions about your grandchild’s latest activities or adventures and start the conversation by asking them. Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” For toddlers just beginning to talk, a game of “I spy” or “I see” can engage and delight.
  
  
• Gather your props. Having a stuffed animal, a picture book, or a kazoo are just a few things that keep our youngest grandchildren engrossed. Reading aloud to your grandchild on Skype is a joy forboth parties, as pointing out pictures and talking about them keep conversations alive. Singing interactive songs like The Itsy Bitsy Spider are great fun as well. For older grandchildren, why not surprise them with a silly hat on your head, or an old photo of yourself or their parents held up to the screen?
  
  
• Be flexible and ready to move. Sometimes, even the most patient of grandkids needs to get out of the computer chair. Be sensitive and receptive to this, and interested in what they are up to. Ask mom or dad to move the camera and watch your grandtoddler build towers with blocks, or your tween practice a piece on the piano. Don’t feel tied to sitting at a desk yourself! Let your grandchildren see what you are up to, whether that’s whipping something up in the kitchen (perhaps their favorite cookies to pop in the mail?) or building a birdhouse or race car in the woodshop.
  
  
• Create and play together. Teenagers can reach out to grandparents for help with homework. Tweens can play card games and solve puzzles, and toddlers can share their latest craft or drawing, while inspiring grands to do the same. Whatever you choose to do while Skyping, the more you do it, the easier it will become. And for those extra-special times when you can’t be together, like during the holidays, or for weddings and graduations, let Skype connect you.

There are many ways to keep up with grandchildren online. Social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, Blogger, and Twitter are a great way to keep in touch. And grandparents are getting into the act in a big way. As Richard Sherman explains, "Social networking sites provide a place to gather and establish or renew relationships with family and friends, and more importantly, provide a place where grandparents can connect in a meaningful way with grandchildren, whether located across the street or around the world.

The largest growth on these sites comes not from tech-savvy tweens, teens, or the college crowd, but rather from moms, dads and grandparents. In fact, the popularity of these sites is mind-boggling. Facebook membership now surpasses 200 million users. If it were a country, it would rank slightly behind Indonesia and ahead of Brazil in population . . . A recent survey by the Pew Internet & American Life Project revealed that the number of adults over 55 using social networking sites more than quadrupled in the past three years. In fact, more adults are using social networks today than teens.”

While no two sites are identical, their focus is on being social, having fun, making connections, and staying in touch in the most efficient way possible. According to Pew, the main reason more adults use social networks these days is time. Think of it, grands: if you have several grandchildren, you’ll be able to touch base with all of them in less time with a few “clicks” than you would sealing some letters in envelopes with a few “licks.”

And for grandchildren who are getting older and busier, there’s nothing better than a social networking site for letting you be there for them in a way that’s noninvasive and convenient. As Melody Brooke, a marriage and family counselor, author, and radio host shares about her children: “Originally we didn’t . . . want to intrude into their social world, but then we were invited as a place to stay connected as their lives got busier. We discovered we could connect with family and friends in a way that is not intrusive. They tell us what is going on with them and we respond when and if we are able.”

So the next time you chat with your tween and teen grandchildren, or their parents, find out what social networking sites they use. And if you’re not invited to link with them right away as a “friend,” why not take the first step? It’s easy to create your own profile on a social networking site that they (or you) like, and then send out your own invitation. Although connecting this way requires very little effort, the rewards for your relationships are great. As Richard Sherman says, “Soon, you will earn big bonus points with the younger members of your family by being a very cool grandparent, meeting your grandchildren on their technological turf. You will be using media that is as familiar and comfortable for them as the typewriter, 45 rpm records and transistor radios were for many of us years ago.”

> Want to know more about social networking?  Grab a copy of our book, Grandloving, and explore Chapter 9.

All right, enough of the techno-talk. Have we lost you with the social networking lingo? Not sure you want to be called a blogger, and following tweets has you freaked? We understand. It’s a lot to take in, especially all at once. If you need a break from the computer, and you just want to connect from the easy chair, we’ve got another option for you: the cell phone.

Wait a minute, aren’t you supposed to call when it’s convenient for the family? And isn't it better to send an email that can be read and responded to when it suits the grandchildren best? What’s a grand in the new millennium to do? Read my message: text. That’s right, text messaging. If your grandchildren have cell phones, this is a convenient, quick, and effective way to touch base with them, and if they don’t have one yet, chances are they will.

Christopher Collins, a senior analyst for consumer research at the Yankee Group, states in the August 15, 2009, edition of the New York Times that about half of American children twelve years old and older already have cell phones. All you need to do to text your grandchild is have a cell phone with a text messaging feature, and type away on your phone key pad.

Like Twitter, the message is short, but this time, it’s just between you and your grandchild, and it can be sent at a time most meaningful for them, such as before a recital wishing them luck, or after receiving a graduation diploma to say congratulations. When you know they can’t pick up the phone and talk at those very moments, you can still be there for them and warm their hearts with a message on their phone.

That said, a special word of caution about grandchildren sixteen and older: texting while driving is one of the leading causes of accidents on our roads. While your grown children are probably aware of this and are helping their children manage cell phone use appropriately, if you know your grandchild’s schedule and when they’ll be driving home from school, save the text for when they’re in a safe place.

Here are some more text message suggestions:

• Don’t text me, I’ll text you. Everybody likes to know they’re being thought of, and they like to receive mail in many different forms. Don’t wait for your grandchild to text. Text them. (One caveat: Many schools have strict rules about phone calls and text messages during school—if our grandteens notice or respond to a text message at school the teacher will confiscate their phone! So take care to ask your grandchild if there are times when you shouldn’t text.)
  
  
• Keep current. Find out from your grandchild’s parents what is going on in their lives, especially big events like soccer games, play rehearsals, and chorus concerts. That way, you’ll know what to text and when it’s appropriate.
  
  
• State it simply. Just letting a grandchild know they are loved and missed can be the best way to text. Think of it as a modern-day note in the lunchbox and a way to make technology warm and fuzzy.